My daughter asked me once where I'd be if I never had children. I most likely would have made it to the 2000 Olympics, it was my goal I was determined to make until my son chose to make his appearance in 1996 and I made a choice.
To this day I still remember delivering him and that moment he laid tummy down on the doctors hand and looked at me with his beautiful new little eyes right before he was placed on my chest. I still remember the feel of his skin against mine. My son. So beautiful and perfect. As the fate of life would have it, he would be the only son I'd ever carry here.
My oldest daughter came next, a huge surprise that I blame [thank] the ocean air for, just before I was going to head off to college finally. At 8wks she wasn't seen by ultrasound following a bleeding episode, playing hide-and-seek a little too long, and almost was lost to a D&C that the doctor said needed to happen. She was considered a blight ovum by the ultrasound tech, and by the doctor a child that passed a few weeks earlier - pointing out a little spot of tissue at the bottom of my uterus. There was no embryo or heart beat seen, and no yolk sac. I spent the next week finding peace with her loss, and the next 7mo accepting that loving her wouldn't cause her to actually leave, when there she was the following week before the D&C bouncing away at the gestational age she was suppose to be. She came so fast in to this world in 1999 that her lungs had to be suctioned. She was born in her sac, something that carries significance depending on your belief. What an amazing young woman she's grown up to be, she is so beautiful and incredible.
Following a surrogate daughter in 2002, Katie joined our family in 2004. A "pretty please dear hubby", followed by a positive test that had me so overjoyed. She was born at home in the water, a labor I all too clearly remember and loved. She's always been a mommy's girl, and I've always held her close since the day she was born. So sensitive and loving, she also has another side to her that leaves her able to hold her own against older siblings. She was a part of an alternative program for kindergarten last year and stepped in to her first year as a full public schooler.
Two more surrogate daughters followed, in 2004 (Miss Cassidy, who I'm sure will be a part of this blog as her family is a part of ours also) and 2008. Emily joined our family in 2010, after three years of searching for the other half that would make up the body she'd live in while on this earth. It didn't come without many tears and heartache, but he was finally there ~ our hero. With his blessing and hope, she showed she was on her way nine-days later. My son cried when he found out she was on her way, and Alyssa cried when she was born here at home in a pool of water. Emily was so wanted by my other children, and is so very loved.
Her name? Emily was a name that Jonah suggested a day after the insems he didn't know about, and the name Cassidy referred to her as when seeing an ultrasound photos, "Hi Emily!". Between the two her name for this life was sealed.
Along with four horses, a couple dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, and any other animal who has a need that passes through our home, this is our family. I teach children how to ride, and with that am able to stay at home and raise my children as well as work on any schooling they need. I am blessed, and thankful.
